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Teenage Psychopaths

12/29/2015

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Psychopaths don't look dangerous. They blend in so they can take advantage of people's ignorance. Photo of extreme tattoos and piercings.
Psychopaths don't look dangerous. They blend in so they can take advantage of your ignorance.
​As a parent of two teenage adopted sociopaths and one neurotypical toddler, I will officially say...I really really wish people would quit saying "All kids are psychopaths/ sociopaths."  Uh, no.  No, they aren't.  That is the difference between reading the symptoms and living with it in real life.  No parent who has experienced both would ever say such a ridiculous, reductive thing.

Ever heard of CIPA (congenital insensitivity to pain)?  As far as I can tell, sociopathy/psychopathy is the emotional version of this disorder, with huge social impacts.  It sounds like a cool thing to have...no pain, ever?  Awesome!  Until you stop and really think about it.  You learn from pain...huh, that hurt, you won't do that again.  You don't overextend the limits of your body, pain makes you correct your course.  Ow, you take your hand off the hot stove, you don't fry your hand right off.  You feel when there is something terribly wrong, ugh, you're nauseous and have a fever, and you do something about it.  These people tend to have shortened life spans of a result of CIPA, and can die from something as simple as overheating, because they never know to get out of the heat. 

Now imagine a lack of emotional pain/feeling and how difficult that would make it for you to navigate human relationships.  If you have never experienced certain emotions, how can you have empathy/know how someone else is feeling?  I would have to think the world would look like an irrational, confusing place.  I believe we have emotional pain to correct ourselves, have empathy, and understand each other, which is rather important with billions of us really needing to get along and not have the world turn into Thunderdome.

Sociopathic children do not have normal boundaries, whether because they aren't picking up on social cues or refuse to pick them up because they don't care. ~ If they are enjoying you, they should just move in with you, because why should that end while they are enjoying themselves? They don't experience shame by being mocked by peers, so behaviors like wetting themselves goes uncorrected. They instead discover that it is a nifty way to really piss people that they don't like off.

A neurotypical child will generally feel and display genuine affection.  A sociopathic child will find you acceptable and display certain behaviors that keep you happy, which is of general benefit to them and more pleasant for them to be around.  Even with your head buried firmly in the sand, it becomes difficult not to feel manipulated, that there is a calculus to their interactions with you.  An honest family that is asked if the child loves them will say "I don't know."
  • As for the initial question, there was a real potential for violence, particularly in my son.  He had violent fantasies, and as he grew physically he began to act more on his impulses.  He tried to choke one family member during an argument, beat a smaller child on the bus, and held his sister against a wall and showed her how he wanted to carve her arms up with a kitchen knife.  I was never on the receiving end, but that had more to do with me than him.  I am relatively tall, reasonably strong, have a strong personality and had never been particularly susceptible even to emotional and mental manipulation (so to children I would have always seem somewhat larger than life).  He and I both knew he was never going to be able to get fear or rage from me, and I would have no problem getting his ass hauled off by the cops, so in no way would he get what he wanted out of violence toward me.  From day to day living, I had enough instinct to know that if I displayed weakness in any capacity it would be exploited, so I couldn't, which was tiring, tense and unnatural to me.  A limping gazelle wouldn't have survived in my house.
  • They lie.  No, not in a "no, Mommy, I didn't break that vase" kind of way that is normal.  In a chameleon kind of way.  Daughter wails to one person how awful and despicable physical violence is, two hours after bragging to someone else about going to school and kicking someone's ass, wanted to hurt them. "Impressing" people with a nonexistent history of disgusting sexual acts, pregnancies that never happened, children that don't exist.  He loves cheeseburgers, tomorrow he hates them with another person.  You begin to wonder if there is a real solid person in there, or is there just a bunch of constantly shifting tides.
  • They do not "learn from their mistakes."  They will do the same destructive or disruptive things year after year, because for some reason they get their rocks off doing them.
  • There is no amount of parental creativity or Dr Phil "finding their currency"  that is going to move the needle in behavior.
  • They will do what they want when they want, because they one-track-mind want it, and everything else is usually irrelevant.  Negative or positive reinforcement will rarely influence anything, especially not over time.
  • Attempts to teach a sociopathic child concern for others is a losing proposition.  You will do it anyway, because you want to at least have those ideas out there and available, and to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you tried.  But any attempt to explain to the child why it is wrong to steal free lunches provided for poor children at the YMCA or steal donated supplies from the guidance counselor's office will be met with a blank look.  Who cares if someone else will starve?  They wanted it, and they were proud of themselves for getting away with it.
  • I usually felt like a shoulder angel (walking, talking external conscience).  They knew right from wrong, but only behaved with manners/not stealing/not hitting, etc.  if I was there.  I was left feeling that I had to be hyper-vigilant and present all the time, or something bad would happen.  This was utterly exhausting.
  • Parental blame:  people will look at your children, who they know are "not right," then at you, and decide you did it to them.  Most people generally believe that children are cute, blank little slates and are a product of their environment.  I used to believe that too, until it was sociopath-ed out of me.  Their behavior is generally the opposite of everything I have desperately tried to instill in them.  I ended up feeling judged and humiliated and isolated by society, and the kids couldn't care less.
  • It can destroy relationships between you and other family members/friends.  Attempts to tell others what was going on (hey, at times I would have liked some support or empathy) was interpreted as a mother badmouthing her kids, that I blew things out of proportion, that I was too controlling, I ended up sounding like the crazy one.  I was told that I didn't love my children.   Doesn't lead to warm fuzzies all the way around.

Eventually it will all catch up with you.  They will become old enough or sophisticated enough that you can't keep them out of trouble anymore.  And you are left wondering why you tried for so hard for so long, when this is who they are, and always were.

​Excerpt from Answer on @Quora by Anonymous to What is like to have psychopath children?

Photo courtesy of The Telegraph

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The Seductress Narcissist

10/16/2015

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Picture of Sabine Mondestin - narcissist?
 The seductress type narcissist is very difficult to trace. She is more difficult to inquire into than covert narcissists as there is some hidden amazedness, rakishness, chariness, and ravishness in her looks and body that is very captivating and seductive [and this hypnotizes the observer].

 After seeing so many narcissists in life and having purposeful interaction and encounters with them; if any single quality of narcissists, especially female narcissists, that fascinates me deeply, it is their inherent seducing and ravishing behavior. This is very obvious and evident even during your first encounter with a narcissist. The every motion and gesture of her body are seducing and enticing in nature, leading slowly to ravishment of the target. Saying nothing from their tongue, they are sending you messages through [sly] seduction. It is difficult to interpret if they display such gestures purposefully or not. The seductress narcissist may bare her breast unconsciously for your gaze to see her breast pretending as if she is itching there. While sitting with you at a coffee table in a restaurant, she may bump your foot and simultaneously say sorry for that.  She may catch hold of your fingers in the pretext of seeing your hand lines and making some future prediction about you. Nowadays palmistry is a common stratagem to attract people. I can recount endless such gestures here, but my aim here is not making a catalog of the gestures, rather, it is studying the process of covert seduction.

 Some seductresses have a god-given sweet tongue.  None can surpass a seductress in “sweetness and politeness of tongue” as they talk in a very low sweet voice with a tinge of innocence. You are enticed by her majesty and modesty of talking. When such a seductress is talking with you in a maiden meeting her facial expression and movement of her eyes and lips are to be noted. There is some “depth and meaning” in her looks, too. It seems as if her searching looks are finding something in you which you are not aware. She may purposefully or unconsciously suck her lips as if she is chewing something. Her whole body language is sending a secret message to you for decoding. Her body language is simply amazing. Suppose you are successful in reading the language of her secret messages and body language - then there is every possibility that she may thwart your advance. [Playing innocent and hard-to-get - contradicting her easy-to-get subliminal messages.] It is another hysterical trait to attract and seduce more - to the prolonged extreme - until your total submission and surrender.

 Kali archetype

 Mother earth is the primordial archetype that gets expressed in women in various patterns of maternal behaviors such as: dedication, upbringing of children, a caring and protecting attitude, sympathy and empathy.

 There is no place for loving and caring in another archetype of women. The exact opposite of mother earth also exists in women that is of evilness, seduction, and of a woman sucking the blood of her own children and killing them to gratify her eternal hunger. Here she is the model of cruelty, tyranny, wickedness and wildness. This type of archetype is also beautifully expressed in mythology. In Hindu traditions, this archetype of women has been designated as “Maya” and has been allegorized with a female serpent that eats her own offspring.

 The word seduction has wide ramifications. In modern times, it has been fixed to or reduced to sexual seduction or exploitation. Seduction is the attitude of the person, or the mental process, in which the subject deliberately or unconsciously tries to entice a person to go astray from duty and rectitude (to corrupt; to persuade or induce you to engage in [loose] sexual behavior). The moral defenses of the victim are shattered while facing such behavior, which is really fascinating and stunning too! The word seduction has been derived from Latin and its literal meaning is “to lead astray”.

 By studying and analyzing wiles and stratagem of historical seductresses, we find some commonness in the execution of their Art of Love to ravish their victims. But there is no force or assault in this ravishment. Many subtypes of seductress archetypes may be found. All the prototypes of seductresses display the traits of enticing, alluring, AND elusiveness.

 The archetype of “trickster” is embedded and intermingled with the seductress archetype. It is the trickster archetype hidden in their psyche that makes their behavior maneuvering and manipulative.  Some cases of seductresses constitute high intellectual faculties. These women are of high caliber and high profile, occupying highly lucrative posts. They inherently know how to twist the course of events in their favor. Sexiness, youthfulness, beauty, and charm are the main wiles used by them to seduce for sex [or power].

 Another stratagem used by all seductresses is a dissolution of their ego temporarily. It is this that makes them seem more attracting and seducing in nature. (In various web pages) “grandiosity and ego inflation” has been depicted as a hallmark of a narcissist woman. In Punjabi culture, there is a popular colloquial word for seduction that is “momo tthagni”. Its meaning is: to ravish or plunder someone by becoming wax. The solid wax of their inner candle - the candle of Ego - starts melting on seizing upon their target. I see it as another cunningness hidden in their behavior. It is, in fact, her preparation to further ambush your person.  It is the process of the melting of her ego, together with her love making art, that compels the victim to come more and more near, and begin to have emotional togetherness and connectedness.

Once this togetherness or connectedness is established, the true colors of the seductive narcissist starts coming out. What was perceived as most charming and beautiful is turned into cruelty, tyranny and ugliness in subsequent encounters. This elusiveness of [congruous] behavior is the secret of their seduction. They are “mirage women” for their victims. Now all their exaggerated emotionality and sensuousness turns into “sourness and bitterness”. This sourness and bitterness was always inside of them, but was hidden from your purview.

 Actually, what we call casting of spells is nothing but stupefaction of our senses, and stupidity and ignorance of our minds temporarily under the spell of our own selfishness. For a moment, we become so overwhelmed by our sex drive that our nervous system and thinking system is shut off temporarily and is paralyzed [for easy conquest by the seductress].
Adapted for comprehension and American English from "The Eternal Seductress narcissist?" by @anandbliss ajmersingh mann April 2014

Photo courtesy flickr sabinemondestin
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What Do You Do If You Meet a Psychopath?

8/27/2015

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Join us as we explore what to do if you meet a psychopath with Dr. Kent Kiehl. Dr. Kiehl is an author and neuroscientist who specializes in the use of clinical brain imaging techniques to understand major mental illnesses, with special focus on criminal psychopathy, psychotic disorders (i.e., schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, affective disorders), traumatic brain injury, substance abuse and paraphilias.

Also, he has designed the one-of-a-kind Mind Mobile MRI System to conduct research and treatment studies with forensic populations. To date his laboratory has deployed the Mind Mobile MRI System to collect brain imaging data from over 3000 offenders at eight different facilities in two states. This represents the world’s largest forensic neuroscience repository.

Source: TherapyCable.com
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How do Psychopaths Construct their Mask of Sanity?

8/4/2015

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Mask of Sanity pic
The first very influential book about psychopathy was Hervey Cleckley’s groundbreaking The Mask of Sanity. Here Cleckley went over every major symptom of this dangerous personality disorder. What is most striking about psychopaths, as opposed to other disordered or deranged individuals, is how well they blend into the rest of society, to use, dupe and harm other human beings. Their glibness and charm, as well as their uncanny ability to lie convincingly, makes them the perfect wolves in sheep’s clothing. Cleckley observes, “More often than not, the typical psychopath will seem particularly agreeable and make a distinctly positive impression when he is first encountered. Alert and friendly in his attitude, he is easy to talk with and seems to have a good many genuine interests. There is nothing at all odd or queer about him, and in every respect he tends to embody the concept of a well-adjusted, happy person. Nor does he, on the other hand, seem to be artificially exerting himself like one who is covering up or who wants to sell you a bill of goods. He would seldom be confused with the professional backslapper or someone who is trying to ingratiate himself for a concealed purpose. Signs of affectation or excessive affability are not characteristic. He looks like the real thing.” (The Mask of Sanity, 339)

Because they appear to be easy-going, friendly and genuine, psychopaths attract many potential partners. They tend to be great conversationalists, orienting the subjects of discussion around each of their targets’ personal interests. Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking and Neil Entwistle seemed true gentlemen and fun-loving guys not only to their wives, but also to their in-laws and friends. Generally speaking, they behaved appropriately for the circumstances before committing their gruesome crimes. They knew how to open the car door for their partners, how to engage in polite conversation with their in-laws and how to joke around with their buddies.


Not only do psychopaths tend to be extraordinarily charismatic, but also they can appear to be rational, levelheaded individuals. They usually talk in a way that shows common sense and good judgment. “Very often indications of good sense and sound reasoning will emerge and one is likely to feel soon after meeting him that this normal and pleasant person is also one with high abilities,” Cleckley continues. (338)


Psychopaths generally present themselves as responsible men. They seem to be in charge of their lives, their families and their careers. As we’ve seen, for several years Mark Hacking led his wife and her family to believe that he was a college graduate on his way to medical school. Only members of his own family knew (and hid) the truth. Similarly, Neil Entwistle convinced his entire family that he was a successful computer entrepreneur. In actuality, he was a bankrupt spammer. He also led Rachel to believe that he was a faithful, loving husband while actively seeking promiscuous liaisons on adult dating websites.


Although most psychopaths fail at their endeavors, it’s usually not due to a lack of natural intelligence. Cleckley notes, “Psychometric tests also very frequently show him of superior intelligence. More than the average person, he is likely to seem free from social or emotional impediments, from the minor distortions, peculiarities, and awkwardness so common even among the successful.” (338) Psychopaths succeed in fooling others not just because of what they say, but also because of how they say it. Their demeanor tends to be self-assured, cool, smooth and collected. Even though, at core, they’re more disturbed than individuals diagnosed with severe mental illnesses–such as psychotics or schizophrenics–their personality disorder doesn’t show through.


The fact that psychopathy tends to be well concealed beneath a veneer of normalcy makes it all the more dangerous to others:  “Although the psychopath’s inner emotional deviations and deficiencies may be comparable with the inner status of the masked schizophrenic,” Cleckley goes on, “he outwardly shows nothing brittle or strange. Everything about him is likely to suggest desirable and superior human qualities, a robust mental health.” (339)


Absence of Delusions and Other Signs of Irrational Thinking


Despite being capable of actions that we’d associate with insanity—such as killing their family members in cold-blood, then going out to party afterwards—psychopaths are in fact clinically sane. But what does it actually mean to be “sane,” in light of such severely disturbed behavior? It simply means being in touch with reality and aware of the legal, social and moral rules that govern one’s society. Sanity doesn’t imply processing this information normally or behaving normally.  Cleckley elaborates,
“The psychopath is ordinarily free from signs or symptoms traditionally regarded as evidence of a psychosis. He does not hear voices. Genuine delusions cannot be demonstrated. There is no valid depression, consistent pathologic elevation of mood, or irresistible pressure of activity. Outer perceptual reality is accurately recognized; social values and generally accredited personal standards are accepted verbally. Excellent logical reasoning is maintained and, in theory, the patient can foresee the consequences of injudicious or antisocial acts, outline acceptable or admirable plans of life, and ably criticize in words his former mistakes.” (339)


The psychopath constructs his mask of sanity by imitating the rest of us.  He mimics our emotions. He pays lip service to our moral principles. He pretends to respect us and our goals in life. The only difference between him and normal human beings is that he doesn’t actually feel or believe any of this on a deeper level. His simulation of normalcy functions as a disguise that enables him to fool others and satisfy his deviant drives. However, because of the psychopath’s extraordinary charm and poise, those perverse needs aren’t likely to be obvious to others.


For as long as a psychopath can hide his true nature, his real desires as well as the seedier aspects of his behavior, he appears to be the very picture of sanity: an upstanding citizen, a loyal friend, a loving husband and father. “Not only is the psychopath rational and his thinking free of delusions,” Cleckley pursues, “but he also appears to react with normal emotions. His ambitions are discussed with what appears to be healthy enthusiasm. His convictions impress even the skeptical observer as firm and binding. He seems to respond with adequate feelings to another’s interest in him and, as he discusses his wife, his children, or his parents, he is likely to be judged a man of warm human responses, capable of full devotion and loyalty.” (339)


Absence of Nervousness or Psychoneurotic Manifestations


Psychopaths display an almost reptilian tranquility. Their paradoxical combination of calmness and thrill-seeking behavior may render them, at least initially, more intriguing than normal individuals.  A psychopath can appear to be the rock of your life, promising a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Cleckley observes,  “It is highly typical for him not only to escape the abnormal anxiety and tension fundamentally characteristic of this whole diagnostic group but also to show a relative immunity from such anxiety and worry as might be judged normal or appropriate in disturbing situations.” (340) While their general aura of coolness and calmness can be reassuring, psychopaths tend to be too calm in the wrong circumstances. Upon closer observation, their mask of sanity includes fissures, or attitudes and elements of behavior that don’t conform to their normal external image.


For instance, they may laugh when (and even because) others cry. They may remain too serene in traumatic circumstances. Or they may appear theatrical and disingenuous in their displays of emotion, as Neil Entwistle did in court. In those moments when they behave inappropriately, psychopaths reveal their underlying abnormality.  This shows through not only before they commit some crime but also afterwards, in their lack of genuine remorse, regret or sadness.


Neurotics feel excessive anxiety. By way of contrast, psychopaths feel too little anxiety. When they experience regret or pain, it’s for getting caught or for being momentarily inconvenienced, not for having hurt others. When they get frustrated, it’s for not getting their way or out of boredom, not because they’re troubled by what they did wrong. As Cleckley puts it, “Even under concrete circumstances that would for the ordinary person cause embarrassment, confusion, acute insecurity, or visible agitation, his relative serenity is likely to be noteworthy… What tension or uneasiness of this sort he may show seems provoked entirely by external circumstances, never by feelings of guilt, remorse, or intrapersonal insecurity. Within himself he appears almost as incapable of anxiety as of profound remorse.” (340) Empathy, fear of punishment, anxiety and remorse represent the main forces that prevent normal people from engaging in dangerous and harmful behavior. Psychopaths lack such restraints.  No matter how good their disguise, dangerous and harmful behavior is all they enjoy and desire to pursue in life.
Source: How do Psychopaths Construct their Mask of Sanity? on psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com
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