Welcome! Stay connected:
Happy Go Lucky
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • FAQ
  • Insights
  • Books
  • Downloads
  • Psychopath Research
  • Disclaimer

Psychopathic Seduction Secrets

10/22/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
Watch out!
  • Psychopaths have a grandiose sense of self-confidence.
  • They have no social anxiety.
  • Unrepentant liars who will say anything to get what they want.
  • They focus on their target like a laser beam. The target feels special.
  • They can be whomever their target needs in their life. Actors.
  • They’re astute psychologists taking advantage of one’s vulnerabilities.
  • They are highly skilled manipulators.
  • They have no conscience, they pledge allegiance without meaning it.
  • And belying appearances, they secretly have no morals.
  • They have no ability to love, their tenderness is an act.
  • They don’t honor commitments, but will seem earnest in the attempts.
  • They take no responsibility for their actions. You pity them.
  • They become bored quickly and take you for an exciting ride.

Excerpts from "PSYCHOPATHIC SEDUCTION SECRETS, REVEALED!"
by Adelyn Birch, Oct 1, 2014, Psychopaths and Love
​Photo courtesy of Stockvault
0 Comments

5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You

8/13/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
It’s important in any kind of relationship that we learn to identify the red flags when interacting with people who display malignant narcissism and/or antisocial traits, so we can better protect ourselves from exploitation and abuse, set appropriate boundaries with others, and make informed decisions about who we keep in our lives. Understanding the nature of these toxic interactions and how they affect us has an enormous impact on our ability to engage in self-care.

Watch out for the following covert manipulation tactics when you’re dating someone or in any other kind of relationship:

1. The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase

Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a relationship. The idealization phase (which often happens most strongly during the early stages of dating or a relationship) consists of putting you on a pedestal, making you the center of his/her world, being in contact with you frequently, and showering you with flattery and praise. You are convinced that the narcissist can’t live without you and that you’ve met your soulmate. Be wary of: constant texting, shallow flattery and wanting to be around you at all times. This is a technique known as “love-bombing” and it is how most victims get sucked in: they are flattered by the constant attention they get from the narcissist. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you dependent on their constant praise and attention.

The devaluation phase is subsequent to this idealization phase, and this is when you’re left wondering why you were so abruptly thrust off the pedestal. The narcissist will suddenly start to blow hot and cold, criticizing you, covertly and overtly putting you down, comparing you to others, stonewalling you, emotionally withdrawing from you and giving you the silent treatment when you’ve failed to meet their extreme “standards.” Since the “hot” aspect of this phase relies on intermittent reinforcement in which the narcissist gives you inconsistent spurts of the idealization phase throughout, you become convinced that perhaps you are at fault and you can “control” the narcissist’s reactions.

You are mislead into thinking that if you just learn not to be so “needy” or “clingy,” the narcissist will reward you with the loving behavior he or she demonstrated in the beginning. These are words that narcissists often use to demean victims when abuse victims mourn the loss of the idealization phase or react normally to being provoked. It’s a way to maintain control over your legitimate emotional reactions to their stonewalling, emotional withdrawal and inconsistency.

Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist’s true self shows itself. You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never truly existed. The true colors are only now beginning to show, so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented to you with his or her current behavior.

Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is prone to projecting this behavior onto you. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.

During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, blatantly ignoring the partner for a long period of time, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.

Although “normal” relationships can end in a similar this manner as well, the difference is that the narcissist often makes it clear he or she intends to hurt you by giving you the silent treatment, spreading rumors about you, cheating on you, insulting you and disrespecting you during the discard phase. Unlike “normal” partners, they ensure that you never have closure, and if you decide to leave them, they might decide to stalk you to show that they still have control.

2. Gaslighting.

While healthy relationships have room for respectful disagreement and consideration of one’s feelings, with the narcissist, gaslighting and constant emotional invalidation become the norm. Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to convince you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate. During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often invalidate and criticize your emotions, and displace any blame of his or her abuse as your fault. Frequent use of phrases such as “You provoked me,” “You’re too sensitive,” “I never said that,” or “You’re taking things too seriously” after the narcissists’ abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.

Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer even after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions. This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it’s clear that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and interpretations of events.

3. Smear campaigns.

Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance and fulfill their need for excessive admiration. This is why they are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people to get what they want.

Beware of people who seem to shape-shift suddenly before your eyes into different personas — this is a red flag that they are not authentic in their interactions with you and others. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist will probably begin a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.

This smear campaign is used to accomplish three things: 1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse; 2) it provokes you into responding, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you; and 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations.

The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.

4. Triangulation.

Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity. Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions. In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions. Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress, a relative, or a complete stranger.

This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist’s own verbal accounts of the other woman or man. The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for his or her affections, so provocative statements like “I wish you’d be more like her,” or “He wants me back into his life, I don’t know what to do” are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure about his or her position in the narcissist’s life.

Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check — you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.

5. The false self and the true self.

The narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world to gain admiration and attention. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase. This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis?
You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.

During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self and you get a glimpse of the abuser that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. This is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.

The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more — instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy for others – so during the discard phase, they often feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of narcissistic supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.

It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor.  Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead — one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.

Excerpt from "5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage of You" by Shahida Arabi, August 6, 2014 

Image courtesy of Chuck's Blog


0 Comments

Studying Victims of Psychopaths

4/11/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Community Recruitment Announcement

​Who we are recruiting
The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship.

We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship.

Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., intimidation, threats, control of finances, isolation), lying and deceit (i.e., infidelities), and sexual assault. Particularly we are looking for people who identify as being abused by a romantic a partner who displays psychopathic or narcissistic characteristics. These may include:
  • Pathological lying (i.e., use of aliases)
  • Engaging in infidelities
  • Failure to take responsibility for their actions
  • Lacks empathy, guilt, and ability to feel deep emotions
  • Manipulative and exploitative of others
  • Sense of entitlement, grandiose sense of self-worth, or feelings of superiority
  • Involvement in criminal activities
  • Impulsive and irresponsible
  • Engages in risk taking behaviours (e.g., drug use)
  • Being superficially charming


What your participation will involve
If you are interested in participating in the study please follow the link www.cuaftermath.com, which is a secure website where you will be asked to make an account with a username and password (no personal or identifying information will be asked, such as your name or address). The study will take approximately 1.5 hours to complete. The website is not compatible with mobile devices or Ipads, please use a computer or laptop device.
On the secure website, you will be asked to complete a few questionnaires, a card game where you will select decks to gain as many points as possible, and a task where you will be presented a series of images of male faces and asked what emotion they are expressing.
The questionnaires will include questions on your experiences of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress, experiences of positive growth, and perceptions of interactions with other people (i.e., social support). There will also be questions addressing experiences in the abusive relationship (e.g., onset, type, severity, and length of abuse), and traits of the abuser, such as:
Does he or she think it is fun to push people until they get upset?
Has been convicted of a serious crime?
Does he or she think they can get what they want by telling people what they want to hear?


Please do not participate if…
  1. You identify as CURRENTLY in an abusive relationship. For your safety, we recommend that individuals currently in a relationship not participate in the current study. We worry for participants’ safety if they complete this study while in close physical proximity to their abuser.
  2. We ask if you are currently undergoing or have undergone treatment for a gambling problem that you do not participate because the card game is similar to a gambling game.


Some of the questionnaires may address stressful topics. If you wish to withdraw at any time (even skipping a few questions on the questionnaires), you may do so as the study is entirely voluntary and anonymous. There will be no penalization if you decide to withdraw, no matter at what point in the study. You do not have to complete all of the study at one time; you can stop and complete the study at your convenience. There is the possibility that participation in the study may trigger or exacerbate distress.


Incentive
Participation in the current study is strictly voluntary (there will be no incentive or cash given for participation).

This study has been approved by the Carleton University Research Ethics Board-A (CUREB-A) (103670).
0 Comments

7 Clues You Just Met A Disordered Personality

1/4/2016

0 Comments

 
Female Pickpocket
When a man shows up being a little too charming, nice, or helpful, most women are not conditioned to say,

“Thanks but did you not hear me say fuckoff the first time?!”

Instead, you enter into a potentially deadly dance between the politeness you’ve been conditioned to offer, instead of paying attention to the warning bells you’re receiving.

You know the feeling…

that your heart is in your mouth,

feeling like it’s hard to breathe and holding your breath,

or noticing the hair on the back of your neck is standing up.

It’s vitally important to know how to avoid violent attacks by learning about the early warning signs and clues-  from deadly men and women.

– before it’s too late…

So here are your 7 potentially life saving clues that will help you know how to avoid dark personalities.

Forced Teaming

One of the fastest ways to lure a victim is for them to get us to trust blindly, if only for 30 seconds. Forced Teaming is a way of establishing trust prematurely, because it quickly ensconces a feeling of "we’re in this predicament together".

For example:
Two people miss the last train or bus for the evening. Both of you are now facing your own predicament on how to get home.

The stranger asks “How are we going to get home?”  The emphasis here is on the use of the word ‘we’.

Most women are too polite to say “Um, what do you mean ‘we’, I don’t give a damn how you’re getting home”. Predators understand, and use against us, the social norms that keep us from being rude.

Far from being a coincidence, forced teaming is one of the most covert forms of manipulation. The predator prematurely forces trust when moments ago none existed.  It’s an extremely subtle violation of your personal space, and the predator uses this technique to test how easy it will be to gain control of the potential victim.

“The detectable signal of Forced Teaming is, the projection of a shared purpose or experience where none exists” – GDB

Charm & Niceness – To Control By Allure Or Attraction

Charm is a learned trait /skill, and people would be served well to look beyond the charm and kindness, to determine if there’s an ulterior motive.

If total strangers appear intensely charming, ask yourself,  “Why are they so hell bent on trying to charm me?”

Because, just like establishing trust prematurely, charm is no accident.

Remind yourself that charm can be a form of control because people don’t think “charming" and "bad guy” in the same moment.  It’s easier to let down our defense, and turn off our intuition, when we think someone is charming.  Which is exactly why they use it, the intention is to disarm you.

Always heed the feeling that “they seem nice enough but they’re trying too hard”.

Too Much Information (TMI!) – A Sign of Deception

Have you ever met someone, maybe made eye contact or shared a quick smile, then it seemed like you suddenly couldn’t get rid of them? Although you’re itching to get away, you feel trapped. And since you don’t want to be rude, you feel stuck listening to the ‘story’ they’re telling you.

In some cases, that person (for whatever reason) may just have needed to find some way to connect on a human level.

However, someone volunteering too many details can be distracting you from what your intuition otherwise might have picked up on.  So, pay attention to what your gut is telling you.

When people are telling the truth, they don’t feel the need to back up what they are saying with additional details.

Even though you might actually be buying into their story, liars aren’t convinced, themselves, that they sound credible. Hence they add additional details to support their lie.
​
For example:
A stranger who magically appears, and happens to be heading to the same floor of the building that you are, strikes up a conversation.

Although something feels off to you, she appears to be “nice” enough as she tells you how bad she feels that she is hours late, having promised to feed her sisters dog.

While polite exchanges between people are common, a stranger volunteering too many details about why they are heading to the same floor should be a warning bell.

Typecasting – Criticisms That Win Compliance

This is a highly sophisticated way of manipulating someone - tricking a person into an action to prove they are not what the manipulator has surmised.

Basically, no one really cares to be “labeled”, as it’s a bit of an insult.  So with Typecasting, the manipulator purposely says you are one way, so that you feel compelled to prove otherwise.

For example:
“You don’t seem like the type of person who’s afraid of trying new things.”
The prey, wanting to rid herself of the label, then sets out to show the predator that she is not afraid of trying new things.

Or, a scammer might sway you with, “You don’t come across as someone who is boring, do you ever do anything spontaneous?”

In both examples the slight insult is designed to compel you to engage.

Sadly, even when people feel creeped out by such highly manipulative questions, we are conditioned to answer politely. And in doing so, we send off a signal that we are susceptible to being controlled.

Loan Sharking – Luring You Into Obligation

This is a strategy that is used to play on our sense of obligation.
If the sleaze can create a situation where we feel like we owe him something, we are less likely to tell him to take a hike.

Great examples of this are forcing help on you when you didn’t ask for any help. The emphasis here is on forcing help!

An extremely important point, that differentiates dangerous people from those who are genuinely offering help, is respecting boundaries.

As you will read in clue number #7 ‘NO’ is a complete sentence. If a stranger attempts to ‘negotiate’ your refusal for unsolicited help – get the heck away asap!

Whether he noticed you are struggling to reach the 2nd floor with your shopping bags, or she sees you juggling the stroller out of your trunk, pay attention to their insistence on helping you.

If the first attempt to manipulate the prey doesn’t work, it is often followed up with Typecasting.

For example:
“Come on, I’m just a nice guy trying to help a pretty lady – are you going to fault me for that?”
Your response - "Go away!"

The Unsolicited Promise – Signals Questionable Motive

This signal should alert you immediately!

It means that someone is trying to convince you of something.  Honestly, how many people do you know who’ve actually gone out of their way to not promise anyone anything?  It’s a big and personal commitment to make a solemn promise.

But… They need to convince you because they sense your doubt.
So if someone says, “I just wanted to be able to help you”, followed by “I promise”,  the purpose is similar to offering too many details.  It’s yet another attempt to get you to trust.

The emphasis here is on:
There was no legitimate reason for the person to promise you anything.

A stranger's promises are easy to fall for because we normals see them as hard-won signs of trustworthiness. Beware of strangers with promises.

Discounting The Word ‘NO’ – A Word That Should Never Be Negotiated

We’ve all heard the saying “no means no.”

Rape and violence are about power and control, so if a complete stranger is trying to control you by negotiating your "no", let this be an alarm bell. Many women don’t understand how important a refusal to hear the word “no” is, as an indicator of someone whose intentions are to harm you.

After interviewing Gavin De Becker, best selling author of The Gift Of Fear, Oprah summarized her understanding perfectly:  “When you say no and the other person discounts it, you should think, immediately, why is this person trying to control me? Because NO is a complete sentence.”

SEE ALSO: The Gift Of Fear – By Gavin De Becker

One of the most dangerous things a we can do is say no, and then weaken our stance by relinquishing it. A "helper" with sinister intent is looking for any foot in the door they can get.  So by saying “No thanks, I don’t need any help” and then caving in a few moments later, you send a signal that you can be controlled.

Predators are persistent. The word ‘no’ is not negotiable.

Bringing The Potential For Violence Into Context

As the author of The Gift of Fear (Gavin De Becker), pointed out – “context is everything.”

While many of these tactics are often used without harmful intent, your situation and surroundings are what brings them into context.  If you’re alone and isolated and approached by a stranger, you are vulnerable.

If he is overly friendly, remind yourself that his charm and niceness likely has a motive. That motive could be as simple as a lame attempt to chat you up for a date, or it could be much more dangerous.

If something feels off, it probably is.  Hesitation and doubt are gifts from your intuition.  Listen to them!

And please share this post to help others to better understand the warning signs. You could help save someone’s life.
​
Adapted from "7 Signs You May Have Just Met a Potentially Dangerous Man" - Street Smart Women
Photo courtesy Xpanda.co.za
0 Comments
<<Previous
    I Teach
    how to detect a psychopath as easily as we see who is drug impaired. . 
    ​
    Share with others: "What is a Psychopath/Sociopath?"
    Lesson

    Picture
    Can You Spot A Psychopath?Teach your kids the signs with the app




    "What is a psychopath?" Public Awareness Fund:
    What is a Psychopath Picture

    ABOUT ME:

    I was married to Harlan Taylor, who meets the psychopath criteria. Beware his illusion of nice guy. Now, I'm spreading awareness of neuroscience fMRI testing to identify psychopaths - those without a conscience. They are incapable of basic truth, and live by their own rules.

    Trying to ascertain if someone is a psychopath should not depend on a list of behaviors. 
    (Contrary to hollywood's fascination with the violent ones, the majority of psychopaths do not exhibit physical violence.)

    Too many people are silently being emotionally destroyed because they awaken to the narcissistic abuse, and then utilize the psychopath test *after* the damage is done.. To help stop further victimization, fill out the form to Name Your Abuser.


    Make money from your blog:
    Great Adsense alternative that pays out at $10.

    Archives

    October 2021
    December 2020
    September 2018
    March 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    January 2017
    August 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013

    Categories

    All
    Charm
    Diary
    Golden Child
    Lies
    Manipulation
    Narcissism
    Narcissist
    Neuroscience
    Pattern
    Prey
    Psychiatry
    Psychology
    Psychopathy
    Research
    Scapegoat
    Seduction
    Signs
    Target
    The Ex
    The Kid
    The Mask
    Victim

    RSS Feed


    CLICK Ads To Give for Awareness. Thank you!

    Blogroll

    NOPSYCHOS
    AbuseSanctuary

    After Narcissistic Abuse
    An Upturned Soul
    Light,Life,Love,Laughter
    Love Fraud
    OneMomsBattle
    Paula's Pontifications
    Psychopathy Awareness

    Psychopaths and Love

    GeneticPsycho.Wordpress.com

    Links

    PSYCHOPATHY RESEARCH:
    Identifying a psychopath by MRI

    Is Psychopathy Genetic? 
    at Aftermath: Surviving Psychopathy Foundation

    What is a Psychopath? (Sociopath?) Like Regular folks, not deranged raving maniacs

    Dealing with Manipulative People

    * 30 RED FLAGS * at PsychopathFree.com

    For Young Girls (&Boys):  Red Flags Handbook

    "Why You Attract Narcissists" video

    Audiobooks (educational)

    Safe Relationships Magazine

    Tweets by @GeneticPsycho

    NetworkedBlogs
    Blog:
    GeneticPsycho blog
    Topics:
    Neuroscience, Psychopaths, Activist
     
    Follow my blog
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.