Soul Mirror Not Soulmate
Until our tenth anniversary, I was deliriously happy. It didn't take much for me to ignore/forgive the hurt feelings he caused in a seemingly absentminded fashion. He offered no good explanations, but I easily found myself making excuses for him, telling myself it was his hillbilly upbringing that made him seem inconsiderate at times.
After I stumbled upon one startling untruth, I started questioning his other statements. I went into shock as I learned that his pool of dishonesty was bottomless, and that I was all alone in my value of commitment. How on earth did a devoted, goodhearted, caring person like me get wound so tightly around this completely opposite being who doesn't care? Ten years of chicanery? No damn way!
Unbeknownst to me, our magical love was one-sided. My "sweetie" had succeeded in defrauding me with all the right lovey-dovey words, making me laugh, and telling cute stories (BS) about his childhood that made me feel like a special friend - but he secretly never had the ability to feel anything deeply.
I was merely one of many women (and men!) he treated thusly - being the wife did not make me special in his eyes. He turned out to be the master of half-truths and disinformation, and a serial cheater. I gave him my all, head over heels in love til death, and he tricked me into believing we were the same.
Soulmates! I was so convinced that I would stake my life on it. He was my fairy tale prince. Unable to truly invest in any relationship, he did the best he could to keep up appearances, given his psychopathy, since all he can ever be is self-serving. I am inconsolable.
It took 15 years for me to make the discovery, thanks to my insightful counselor, that I was married to an undercover Narcissist (NPD). It was 20 years, all told, to put together (on my own!) that I was, in actual fact, married to a sociopath.
After that revelation, I started paying close attention to the other people in my life who seemed the most drawn to me. Surprise! They are selfish, passive/aggressive, self-contradictory, and they are energy-draining. My forgiving nature did not allow me to see them clearly before. I studied these people, their behavior, their purpose (or lack thereof). What I learned most of all is that, not just my ignorance, but the cluelessness of the world at large, enables the antisocial personalities to commit atrocious spiritual damage to many numbers of people without real punishment.
Whenever a sociopath decides that the victim has provided enough amusement, they coldly drop their mask, revealing how little they have cared all along... and abandon the one-sided relationship regardless of vows exchanged or future plans or their unsuspecting partner's emotions or attachment. That's when the victim begins to see the pattern of gaslighting and emotional abuse they excused in the name of love. The discovery of misplaced faith in a dearly loved kindred soul is earth-shattering, heartbreaking, and overwhelming.
After learning of the depth of the betrayal, it is the shock, horror, and trauma of feeling helpless in the grip of evildoing that causes PTSD. Sociopathic people can completely destroy the ignorant, untaught, uninformed, unenlightened. People are murdered spiritually and emotionally when they wake up one day to discover that their soulmate turned into a toad, and will not ever be a prince again. (In this article, I use the male gender as an example, acknowledging that there are scores of female psychopaths.)
Destructive personality traits should be a topic presented in Kindergarten, not be an optional college psychology course. By contrast, sociopaths discover for themselves, early in childhood, how to mirror other people's emotions. They learn at a very young age, that to "fit in", they have to wear a mask, and that mirroring receives the greatest reward.
The rest of the world is at a disadvantage because of simple academic ignorance; We don't learn about their psychopathy in early childhood, yet they know everything about our empathy and how we are controlled by it. The world becomes their playpen of action figures to manipulate for their amusement. Their lack of conscience just makes it easy for them to follow the pattern of covertly using and abusing others for their entire lives.
Your socio-soulmate has been practicing, since toddlerhood, how to win people over. When there is something to gain, they present each person they need with a mirror. We unsuspecting targets are overcome with joy at finding someone who reflects our own heart back to us. They reflect our inner light since they have none. Some small part of our consciousness realizes that there is a one-way energy drain, but the hints are squelched by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Time and time again...
In a relationship with a sociopath, we become trapped in our dependence on seeing our reflection. We are really alone the whole time, but we only realize that when the mirror finally cracks.
After I stumbled upon one startling untruth, I started questioning his other statements. I went into shock as I learned that his pool of dishonesty was bottomless, and that I was all alone in my value of commitment. How on earth did a devoted, goodhearted, caring person like me get wound so tightly around this completely opposite being who doesn't care? Ten years of chicanery? No damn way!
Unbeknownst to me, our magical love was one-sided. My "sweetie" had succeeded in defrauding me with all the right lovey-dovey words, making me laugh, and telling cute stories (BS) about his childhood that made me feel like a special friend - but he secretly never had the ability to feel anything deeply.
I was merely one of many women (and men!) he treated thusly - being the wife did not make me special in his eyes. He turned out to be the master of half-truths and disinformation, and a serial cheater. I gave him my all, head over heels in love til death, and he tricked me into believing we were the same.
Soulmates! I was so convinced that I would stake my life on it. He was my fairy tale prince. Unable to truly invest in any relationship, he did the best he could to keep up appearances, given his psychopathy, since all he can ever be is self-serving. I am inconsolable.
It took 15 years for me to make the discovery, thanks to my insightful counselor, that I was married to an undercover Narcissist (NPD). It was 20 years, all told, to put together (on my own!) that I was, in actual fact, married to a sociopath.
After that revelation, I started paying close attention to the other people in my life who seemed the most drawn to me. Surprise! They are selfish, passive/aggressive, self-contradictory, and they are energy-draining. My forgiving nature did not allow me to see them clearly before. I studied these people, their behavior, their purpose (or lack thereof). What I learned most of all is that, not just my ignorance, but the cluelessness of the world at large, enables the antisocial personalities to commit atrocious spiritual damage to many numbers of people without real punishment.
Whenever a sociopath decides that the victim has provided enough amusement, they coldly drop their mask, revealing how little they have cared all along... and abandon the one-sided relationship regardless of vows exchanged or future plans or their unsuspecting partner's emotions or attachment. That's when the victim begins to see the pattern of gaslighting and emotional abuse they excused in the name of love. The discovery of misplaced faith in a dearly loved kindred soul is earth-shattering, heartbreaking, and overwhelming.
After learning of the depth of the betrayal, it is the shock, horror, and trauma of feeling helpless in the grip of evildoing that causes PTSD. Sociopathic people can completely destroy the ignorant, untaught, uninformed, unenlightened. People are murdered spiritually and emotionally when they wake up one day to discover that their soulmate turned into a toad, and will not ever be a prince again. (In this article, I use the male gender as an example, acknowledging that there are scores of female psychopaths.)
Destructive personality traits should be a topic presented in Kindergarten, not be an optional college psychology course. By contrast, sociopaths discover for themselves, early in childhood, how to mirror other people's emotions. They learn at a very young age, that to "fit in", they have to wear a mask, and that mirroring receives the greatest reward.
The rest of the world is at a disadvantage because of simple academic ignorance; We don't learn about their psychopathy in early childhood, yet they know everything about our empathy and how we are controlled by it. The world becomes their playpen of action figures to manipulate for their amusement. Their lack of conscience just makes it easy for them to follow the pattern of covertly using and abusing others for their entire lives.
Your socio-soulmate has been practicing, since toddlerhood, how to win people over. When there is something to gain, they present each person they need with a mirror. We unsuspecting targets are overcome with joy at finding someone who reflects our own heart back to us. They reflect our inner light since they have none. Some small part of our consciousness realizes that there is a one-way energy drain, but the hints are squelched by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Time and time again...
In a relationship with a sociopath, we become trapped in our dependence on seeing our reflection. We are really alone the whole time, but we only realize that when the mirror finally cracks.
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