Individuals with psychopathic or narcissistic traits* frequently use false personas to interact with others, sometimes tailoring their masks so that they appear to share the interests of their targets. Fortunately, there are conversational clues to such extreme duplicity:
1) Confides in you immediately.
The full-on disclosure is a bid for sympathy and for forced intimacy.
2) Repeats “confidential” information that he's already shared with you.
If self-serving or self-aggrandizing information is repeatedly recycled, the individual is likely using a script, one that he’s forgotten that he’s already deployed with you. Because people are interchangeable in the eyes of a psychopath or a narcissist—one dimensional beings in whom they have no genuine interest—it can be hard for them to remember what they’ve said, and to whom.
3) Asks no personal questions OR asks very pointed questions.
If nothing is asked of you and no interest expressed, then script delivery is the entire point of the encounter. If he asks a ton of questions but moves quickly from one to another, rather than allowing the conversation to organically unfold, he may be mining you for data, including information that can be used to gain a sense of your vulnerabilities.
4) Asks for special favors.
Your compliance with a request, however small, may be a test (boundary checking). You pass if you betray a willingness to be controlled or manipulated. Expect more and escalating requests, either out of pure Machiavellian utility or because such acts will further graft you to this individual.
5) Makes odd asides about you.
Cruel statements that are seemingly out of the blue can also signal the willful or absent-minded removal of the mask.
Neither a perfectly crafted mask nor the world's most charming repartee can fully camouflage a lack of emotional empathy, which is the defining hallmark of both psychopathy and narcissism. A person cannot wholly fake that which they do not experience, even if they say and do “all the right things.” So while your conscious mind focuses on an individual's statements and conversational style, your subconscious registers possible discrepancies between that person's outward comportment and his hidden feelings. Stay attuned to both avenues of information.
Excerpts from "5 Things Psychopaths and Narcissists Do in Conversation
Odd and disarming tactics to watch for." by Kaja Perina, Dec 07, 2017
Photo creative commons
1) Confides in you immediately.
The full-on disclosure is a bid for sympathy and for forced intimacy.
2) Repeats “confidential” information that he's already shared with you.
If self-serving or self-aggrandizing information is repeatedly recycled, the individual is likely using a script, one that he’s forgotten that he’s already deployed with you. Because people are interchangeable in the eyes of a psychopath or a narcissist—one dimensional beings in whom they have no genuine interest—it can be hard for them to remember what they’ve said, and to whom.
3) Asks no personal questions OR asks very pointed questions.
If nothing is asked of you and no interest expressed, then script delivery is the entire point of the encounter. If he asks a ton of questions but moves quickly from one to another, rather than allowing the conversation to organically unfold, he may be mining you for data, including information that can be used to gain a sense of your vulnerabilities.
4) Asks for special favors.
Your compliance with a request, however small, may be a test (boundary checking). You pass if you betray a willingness to be controlled or manipulated. Expect more and escalating requests, either out of pure Machiavellian utility or because such acts will further graft you to this individual.
5) Makes odd asides about you.
Cruel statements that are seemingly out of the blue can also signal the willful or absent-minded removal of the mask.
Neither a perfectly crafted mask nor the world's most charming repartee can fully camouflage a lack of emotional empathy, which is the defining hallmark of both psychopathy and narcissism. A person cannot wholly fake that which they do not experience, even if they say and do “all the right things.” So while your conscious mind focuses on an individual's statements and conversational style, your subconscious registers possible discrepancies between that person's outward comportment and his hidden feelings. Stay attuned to both avenues of information.
Excerpts from "5 Things Psychopaths and Narcissists Do in Conversation
Odd and disarming tactics to watch for." by Kaja Perina, Dec 07, 2017
Photo creative commons
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