Two years ago I became the 3rd woman to fall for a man whose charm and love became addicting. My blinders were an inch or so thick I believe for the first year. I became suspicious after the push pull behavior continued for many many months. I decided to investigate further and came up with many psychological disorders that would explain most of his behavior but something was just really off when he became so loveable that it made me question his sincerity.
We as women often dream of the day that the man we fought so hard to win over for so long, finally expresses his undying love, need for commitment, and need for a monogamous relationship. The day this happened blew me completely away and I was happy until a few days later I questioned the reason for his falling in love after my efforts to give so much of myself, love, and loyalty failed time and time again. Chalking it up to his fear of commitment, I let it go and continued the desperate spiral to nothingness in his world, where friends were always placed before me, his needs were his utmost concern, and was told numerous times, "You just aren't that special honey."
How on Earth I allowed my self worth and value to crumble at his feet I will never know. After he assured his love for me was genuine I let the thought go until I my gut kept nagging at me that something just wasn't right. I mean loving someone isn't supposed to hurt, and it definitely isn't supposed to warrant so much space that it leads you to question your sanity.
My gut was right. While using our lap top for filling out job applications, the browser opened and he had closed it unexpectedly without covering his tracks. One click of the restore button and I knew then that he threw the word love around like it was nothing. Pornographic web sites amounting to 900+ searches for younger women and older men. Dating sites with active profiles, emails to women whom I knew nothing about, racy dirty messages to young (20+) women who he had never seen a day in his life, but made plans to have sex at our home that night while I was working. Numerous horoscope compatibility results for other women and himself, questions typed in the search engine related to being an Alpha Male, How to's on sex with younger women, and I swear the list goes on and on.
Another thing that struck me was that he would never take the blame for anything he knew he did that was wrong. Once confronted and with evidence in hand he blamed it on being a man that has desires, and that being tempted was ok and if acted on that's ok too. The kicker: Once he knew I had sabotaged his chance to have sex with this younger woman, he blew up and got so defensive that it scared the hell out of me. He stated that a man's desires not acted upon only causes him to back away from me. Simply put in a spaths world: I can't get what I want so I'm making you responsible for my losses even when you are already being played for a fool. His antidote for that, the silent treatment and lots of it.
Once his feigned desire waned, I decided to cut my losses and end it. He was adamant and eventually wanted the end to happen soon. His hoovering started once he knew I was serious and bam I fell for the lies again and decided to trust him and work towards a future. His silent treatment became more and more until I confronted him. He insisted that he didn't know what I was talking about and blamed my insecurities on our relationship failing.
I footed the bill most of the time, cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes when he had nothing and I had finally realized that I was rewarding bad behavior and the self worth and self esteem I once had was non existent. I mean his so called inability to relate to female emotions after I had a miscarriage sent me packing. He cited it as an inability to relate because of inexperience. The worst time of my life was met with unconcern, neglect, and what he can do next time to prevent a pregnancy. To hell with me and my body going through a tough time mentally and physically.
Another thing was that he disliked conflict. He hated it with a passion, and any attempt to interrupt his calm and peace was met with threats to call the cops if I didn't leave, the silent treatment, breaking up and anything else he could do to teach me a lesson. I can honestly say that he has only once raised his voice at me, out of not abiding by his rules and has never been physically abusive. The emotional abuse is heart wrenchingly painful, especially when you think your love is enough to help him. When a man thinks his infidelity is only defined by penetration and insists that emotional cheating, and seeking out others on the internet to fulfill his own needs is not a problem, and constantly neglects you emotionally, physically, and blames you for everything he does wrong, or takes your verbal expressions and what you do and uses them as a scapegoat then its time to read up on anything and everything regarding psychopathic behavior, gaslighting, and just how well you will be fooled and laughed at for only giving your love and trust away to someone who never deserved it to begin with.
It's a tiring and oh so confusing whirlwind relationship that will leave you mentally exhausted trying to figure them out. It's no use in trying because these people are already hardwired to destroy you no matter how good of a person you are. I am still trying to figure out if he honestly believes that cheating is justified as long as he says it's ok. It pays to trust your gut and investigate abnormal behavior. Life is so much sweeter spath free.
Excerpt from Psychopath Free Forum
We as women often dream of the day that the man we fought so hard to win over for so long, finally expresses his undying love, need for commitment, and need for a monogamous relationship. The day this happened blew me completely away and I was happy until a few days later I questioned the reason for his falling in love after my efforts to give so much of myself, love, and loyalty failed time and time again. Chalking it up to his fear of commitment, I let it go and continued the desperate spiral to nothingness in his world, where friends were always placed before me, his needs were his utmost concern, and was told numerous times, "You just aren't that special honey."
How on Earth I allowed my self worth and value to crumble at his feet I will never know. After he assured his love for me was genuine I let the thought go until I my gut kept nagging at me that something just wasn't right. I mean loving someone isn't supposed to hurt, and it definitely isn't supposed to warrant so much space that it leads you to question your sanity.
My gut was right. While using our lap top for filling out job applications, the browser opened and he had closed it unexpectedly without covering his tracks. One click of the restore button and I knew then that he threw the word love around like it was nothing. Pornographic web sites amounting to 900+ searches for younger women and older men. Dating sites with active profiles, emails to women whom I knew nothing about, racy dirty messages to young (20+) women who he had never seen a day in his life, but made plans to have sex at our home that night while I was working. Numerous horoscope compatibility results for other women and himself, questions typed in the search engine related to being an Alpha Male, How to's on sex with younger women, and I swear the list goes on and on.
Another thing that struck me was that he would never take the blame for anything he knew he did that was wrong. Once confronted and with evidence in hand he blamed it on being a man that has desires, and that being tempted was ok and if acted on that's ok too. The kicker: Once he knew I had sabotaged his chance to have sex with this younger woman, he blew up and got so defensive that it scared the hell out of me. He stated that a man's desires not acted upon only causes him to back away from me. Simply put in a spaths world: I can't get what I want so I'm making you responsible for my losses even when you are already being played for a fool. His antidote for that, the silent treatment and lots of it.
Once his feigned desire waned, I decided to cut my losses and end it. He was adamant and eventually wanted the end to happen soon. His hoovering started once he knew I was serious and bam I fell for the lies again and decided to trust him and work towards a future. His silent treatment became more and more until I confronted him. He insisted that he didn't know what I was talking about and blamed my insecurities on our relationship failing.
I footed the bill most of the time, cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes when he had nothing and I had finally realized that I was rewarding bad behavior and the self worth and self esteem I once had was non existent. I mean his so called inability to relate to female emotions after I had a miscarriage sent me packing. He cited it as an inability to relate because of inexperience. The worst time of my life was met with unconcern, neglect, and what he can do next time to prevent a pregnancy. To hell with me and my body going through a tough time mentally and physically.
Another thing was that he disliked conflict. He hated it with a passion, and any attempt to interrupt his calm and peace was met with threats to call the cops if I didn't leave, the silent treatment, breaking up and anything else he could do to teach me a lesson. I can honestly say that he has only once raised his voice at me, out of not abiding by his rules and has never been physically abusive. The emotional abuse is heart wrenchingly painful, especially when you think your love is enough to help him. When a man thinks his infidelity is only defined by penetration and insists that emotional cheating, and seeking out others on the internet to fulfill his own needs is not a problem, and constantly neglects you emotionally, physically, and blames you for everything he does wrong, or takes your verbal expressions and what you do and uses them as a scapegoat then its time to read up on anything and everything regarding psychopathic behavior, gaslighting, and just how well you will be fooled and laughed at for only giving your love and trust away to someone who never deserved it to begin with.
It's a tiring and oh so confusing whirlwind relationship that will leave you mentally exhausted trying to figure them out. It's no use in trying because these people are already hardwired to destroy you no matter how good of a person you are. I am still trying to figure out if he honestly believes that cheating is justified as long as he says it's ok. It pays to trust your gut and investigate abnormal behavior. Life is so much sweeter spath free.
Excerpt from Psychopath Free Forum
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